{"id":27,"date":"2013-03-12T01:10:32","date_gmt":"2013-03-12T01:10:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.mykindatherapy.com\/?p=27"},"modified":"2013-03-12T02:27:41","modified_gmt":"2013-03-12T02:27:41","slug":"the-lovey-dovey-ends","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mykindatherapy.com\/?p=27","title":{"rendered":"The lovey-dovey ends"},"content":{"rendered":"
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I actually wrote this post over a year ago, we survived\u2013the hole is still there\u2013taken permanent residence for constantly different reasons. I am trying to accept it, to feed it when necessary so that it doesn\u2019t overwhelm me\u2026.so yes, at times, I bathe it in a nice chilled vodka tonic.<\/em><\/p>\n

And so it begins. My oldest child \u201cN\u201d has just finished second grade\u2014which means he is on to third (yea, just in case you couldn\u2019t figure that one out on your own). I\u2019m not so crazy about this. Oh sure I\u2019m thrilled that academically he passed what he needed to get in to the next grade level, but third grade???? That is when it all gets serious. The teachers are not all lovey-dovey anymore. The work counts. I mean really counts and no one holds their hand anymore.<\/p>\n

I have a very poor memory as well as a very selective one. There are huge chunks of my life that I rely on other people for when I can\u2019t recall them. But I do remember third grade\u2014I mean parts of it, but that is when a true recollection of being an older kid comes to play. I had a boyfriend; I got in trouble for passing a note in class. A boy at my table informed us all that everyone farts and it\u2019s just another bodily function. Yep pretty sure he actually said, \u201cbodily function.\u201d I\u2019m just not sure I\u2019m ready for my son to be old enough for the third grade.<\/p>\n

I may need to make something else clear here. I was and probably still am pretty terrified about being a mother. My childhood was, well pretty screwed up. Now I wasn\u2019t abused or homeless and I always had food to eat, so \u201cscrewed up\u201d is a relative term. Point being, when I was younger I wasn\u2019t really exposed to healthy adult relationships. Honestly, how my mother and father ever actually believed that they should get married is beyond me. But they did and they got divorced, which now I know was the best possible thing\u2014but it was a total shit storm when I was 8.<\/p>\n

So anyway my brother and I were pretty sure we\u2019d never get married because we would never trust anyone enough to love them\u2026blah, blah, blah. We both did. Rick and I have been together for 16 years and married for 11. A couple of years in to the marriage we seriously began thinking about having children. Again I am hesitant. I mean I worry about all kinds of crap\u2014needless, pointless crap. I would worry myself in to the ground if I had a kid.<\/p>\n

\u201cI just don\u2019t know if I am up for it,\u201d I said to Rick during another kid talk.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut,\u201d he said. \u201cTen years from now if we don\u2019t have children, will you regret it?\u201d<\/p>\n

Oh, that one stung a little bit. A hole began to develop in my gut and I was pretty sure right then and there that the only thing worthy to fill it was our own little baby.<\/p>\n

So we went on to have 2 children. \u201cM\u201d is now 4 and \u201cN\u201d is 8. They are relatively good kids\u2014I\u2019m not one of those who believe their kids walk on water, but I am very proud of them and very protective. Not protective in the \u201crolling them in bubble wrap before they go outside\u201d kind of way, but just the normal \u201cI want my kids to be healthy and happy\u201d kind of way.<\/p>\n

And yet I can\u2019t help myself. I worry. I worried when they were babies if they had an overly aggressive projectile vomit. I worried when they didn\u2019t talk as soon as the other kids. I worried about what I should feed them, what toys I should buy. I worried about what most parents worry about. Now that my son is older I worry about \u201colder kid\u201d things. Bullies, and self esteem, and being happy and respect for others and more importantly respect for themselves. I\u2019m still not sure how to teach that.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m afraid that I need to learn fast, because third grade is where all of that stuff comes in to play. He needs to know it to survive and no one can tell me just how to teach it to him. And I know that is because there isn\u2019t an easy answer. But that\u2014that right there creates a gigantic hole in my gut and now I know that the only thing worthy to fill it is vodka and brownies.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/fieldset>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I actually wrote this post over a year ago, we survived\u2013the hole is still there\u2013taken permanent residence for constantly different reasons. I am trying to accept it, to feed it when necessary so that it doesn\u2019t overwhelm me\u2026.so yes, at times, I bathe it in a nice chilled vodka tonic. And so it begins. My […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-27","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mykindatherapy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mykindatherapy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mykindatherapy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mykindatherapy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mykindatherapy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=27"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.mykindatherapy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":57,"href":"https:\/\/www.mykindatherapy.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/27\/revisions\/57"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.mykindatherapy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=27"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mykindatherapy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=27"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.mykindatherapy.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=27"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}